it's been a while since i update this. i literally forget to do anything. i was supposed to apply for a job, do my work and now i feel like everytime i do anything fun or gives me gratification i wish i had done those things but i really dont. yes i find scrolling or playing video games fun but when i play them, theres a dread lingering upon me that is hard to come across. its not something ive ever felt before. the responsibilites are fucking my brain i dont know if i can keep up. right know im procrastinating studying for a french exam. its a subject i just suck at i'm 99% sure im gonna fail. ive been blaming my teacher on my grade,but i think im just shit at life. she's not even necessarily bad i just dont wanna work. which brings me to why i wanted to write today. i was just sitting infront of my computer. im doing some plan thing for an assignment i was supposed to do after class which is almost a week ago. i didnt do it obviously. im doing it late because i have more "time" i guess now. its more like im just not being lazy. anyways im sitting here contemplating whether i wanna do this or not. im probably not gonna fail if i do this. everytime im in an exam and i dont study i always hate myself. this is why this school system sucks it makes you fucking hate yourself.