i was supposed to write something in here like 3 weeks ago but at least i start today. it is like 1 am right now so the date is kinda dated, but anyways. i'm not gonna write in good english too so sorry if its sometimes incomprehensible i just generally dislike language. so to start, i'm not super sure about myself. i dont know whether im a good person or not. im not religious, there isn't some objective book or thing telling me whether im a "moral" person so i just wing it honestly. i just do whatever but sometimes it feels like i miss that mark somehow. like its so easy but somehow i mess up. its fucked up. theres some stuff i want to write idk if the neocities mods will let me write it lmao. anyways, yeah about goodness and stuff. i kinda hang my own self worth upon this baseless metric. i never even set a set of values or whatever. ive been just really terrible lately is basically what i wanna say. just petty, jealous, manipulative, all the good stuff. there just comes a point where self reflection is scary. it sounds stupid, but i ask ai sometimes for questions. i know their answers can be wrong but who else do i really have. i hate looking at myself physically and psychologically. i just come to the conclusion im a bad person. fucking sucks but im just like that. im trying to change and its an ongoing process, but for now its just messed up man.